A Journey toward Healing and Transformation
Over the years, I have encountered some significant challenges in my life and there have been times when I thought I was not going to survive. Amazingly enough, I noticed that God always found a way to reach me and provide me with exactly what I needed at just the right moment, so that I could go on and keep living. I became a Christian at a very young age, and while I did not understand all the ins and outs of salvation and having a relationship with God; I believed that there was someone, named Jesus, who loved me and died for me. As perplexing as that was for me as a child, because I could not understand why someone I did not know would die for me; I learned that I was loved and accepting that love gave me hope at a time when I was devastated.
Many years went by in my life and I continued to walk with God; however, it was not until later in college, that I learned a very important skill, which would change my relationship with God forever. I do not know how I got the idea to start prayer journaling, but I do know that when I started, I had just experienced one of those significant challenges in my life and I did not know how I was going to survive. I reached a place in my relationship with God where I sensed there was more He was trying to tell me and I knew there were things I needed to get off my chest, but I just could not seem to find the way to express it verbally. It was during that time that I discovered the power of putting pen to paper to express my deepest feelings and thoughts, which I felt I could not discuss with anyone. I had always loved to write, but not about personal things and I did not want to keep just a regular journal, where I was talking to pages.
I remembered something my mom taught me growing up, which was that having a personal relationship with God meant that I could talk to Him whenever I wanted and that I could do it as if He were right there with me, because He was! Therefore, I decided to take that idea and combine it with the concept of journaling, and that is when I started to keep a prayer journal. I found that even though I was so blocked from thinking or even speaking about the things that were weighing me down; as soon as I put pen to paper, the words would just pour out of me and I could get things off my chest, but in a way that felt safe, as I told them to God.
The more I talked to God, through prayer journaling, the stronger the connection became that I felt I had with Him. My mom also taught me that part of having a relationship with God was not just talking to Him, but giving Him the opportunity to respond and speak very personally to me. So, over time I learned to wait in silence and listen for God to speak and as I did this, I discovered that God was talking back to me. I was desperate to get every word down because I knew my ability to hold onto the things I heard was very limited. I realized that in order for me to really get what God was saying to me, I had to write it down. As I wrote His words down, I learned so much and I was able to go back at any time and read what He said to me and be encouraged. The more I did this, the more I experienced my relationship with God as a dialogue and God became my closest friend. It was then that prayer journaling became a daily part of my existence and experiencing my relationship with God gave me the courage to keep facing life. I found hope in God’s presence and I learned that I could survive.
Years passed by and I continued to face more significant challenges, which took me to places I never thought I would find myself. However, as always, because of my relationship with God, I overcame and continued to prayer journal and process the overwhelming things I had experienced. Nevertheless, I noticed that as chronic pain and illnesses continued to plague me, I got tired and started to lose hope. As I struggled with hopelessness, I turned to other things that were not healthy for me, to help dull the pain and I stopped prayer journaling for a while.
During the time when my regular dialogue with God halted, I experienced some dark days and made choices that I could not take back. Regardless, I found that even though I stopped talking to God, He never gave up on me. Every now and then when things became too overwhelming or I saw my brokenness, I would turn to God and journal again and eventually I found my way back. God began to deal with me about many of the hurts that were close to my heart and He gave me a very helpful outlet, gently leading me back to experiencing Him.
I have always had a love for photography and I was drawn to the outdoors and to hiking, so I eventually combined these passions and started doing nature photography in my personal time. What I discovered was that during my times of solitude in nature, while I took photos, God was still there and He began to heal me through my experiences in nature without me realizing it at the time. Those quiet times in nature were so precious to me and I experienced such peace and gradual, yet temporary relief from some of the chronic pain and illnesses from which I suffered.
I would like to say, from that point on my life was perfect, but it really was anything but. I still battled with my chronic pain and illnesses and had come to a place in my life where I thought I would never recover. I began to accept that lie and while I continued to prayer journal and spend regular times in nature; I walked around with a heavy burden of “illness” on my back that I was certain I was stuck with until the day I would die. Therefore, I began to long for that day to come because I was tired of fighting and just surviving. I was back to some of my old habits, looking for the easy way out and hoping that it would speed up the process to my demise.
At this point, my time with God was regular, but had become empty because I had lost hope and stopped really trying to listen or to understand the Bible anymore. However, God was not done with me, and He brought about the miracle of life to grow inside me and that changed everything! At first I could not understand why I was being given this chance to be a mom, when it had been so traumatically ripped from me once before. Nevertheless, over time as I passed the point where things crashed and burned the time before, I began to hope that things could be different, and that the promise of motherhood was actually within my reach.
Experiencing pregnancy this time around was difficult for me, but I eventually made a decision that if I was going to have this baby, I could not keep longing for death anymore. I resolved to fight to live and pursue healing from God, believing that nothing was too difficult for Him and that He could relieve me of the burden I was carrying. Therefore, I began to get serious and start to put my focus on God, instead of my problems and the things I felt I could not control, and I resolved to get to know God on a deeper level.
I spent a lot of time reading many books, during my first trimester and into my second trimester, which focused on God working in your life and on emotional healing and renewal of the mind. I decided to pursue my healing as if my life depended on it, because I wanted to be healthy and free to be a good mother to my child. I bought a new journal and wrote the following things on those first pages:
Personal Affirmation: I am unique. I am loved. I have a purpose that God Himself made me to accomplish. In order to do that, I must move forward in His healing, see myself as loved completely and set apart for a specific purpose that utilizes my unique makeup.
PURSUE YOUR HEALING AS IF YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT…BECAUSE IT DOES!
“Where is your focus?”
When you put your focus where it belongs, on who God is and His track record, the problems you face will find their way into the proper perspective and will look insignificant in comparison to the power of God to do all that is in His nature to do. This includes loving you, protecting you, providing for you and teaching you more about Him, in order to strengthen your faith and your ability to tackle and handle, successfully, any problem or challenge you encounter. He is the Good Shepherd and takes care of His flock, making sure not to leave any behind. You matter to God and He is not going to leave you alone to face what you must on your journey. Trust in the Good Shepherd to guide you and keep your eyes on Him.
Now that I had my focus where I believed it should be, on God and not me, I decided to go back to the beginning. I mentioned earlier that I accepted Jesus as my Savior at a very young age, and as I grew up, my mom taught me to read my Bible as a way to develop discipline and to get to know God. She told me that if I really wanted to know God, I should start by reading the book of John in the New Testament, so I did. John was the first book I ever read and although I did not understand a ton of it, I did get some benefits out of it, even at eight years of age. Now, as I was approaching the age of thirty, I felt it was a good time to go back to the basics and really delve into getting to know God in a deeper way.
Most of my life, as I read the Bible, I would just focus on reading a chapter a day and whatever I got out of that chapter would be what I felt God was saying to me at that time. However, over time, especially as I began to lose hope, I got less and less out of reading the Bible and it just became a habit for me, without any real pursuit for understanding. This time, I decided to take things slow and I resolved to study the book of John with a different perspective. I was determined to get everything I could out of every verse I read, so I asked God to show me more and I began to meditate on the scriptures I was reading and write down my observations and any personal applications I felt God was showing me.
The more I studied, the more I saw and the more God spoke to me and told me about His desire to transform me and renew my mind. God gave me practical guidance that was specific enough for me to understand and not mistake, and as I went back and would re-read the things He taught me the day before, I was changing and I started to experience a restored hope. One day in particular, God spoke some powerful things to me that He told me to remember and read every day, so that I could hold onto the truth He had shown me.
That same day, I decided to create a calendar page, since it was the start of a new month, and I typed up the words God spoke to me along with the scriptures He impressed upon my heart. I also decided to use one of my nature photos as the background for the calendar page. I chose a photo within my portfolio that I felt conveyed the peace and desire within the words God was saying to me. I decided to print it and create a couple smaller versions to keep in my journal and in the book on healing, which I was reading at the time. That calendar page became a great reference for me and a source of hope and encouragement. I would pull it out and read it at the start of my day and sometimes several times a day. I was determined to hold onto the words God had spoken to me, to get those scriptures deep into my memory, and to let them penetrate my heart with understanding.
I was very grateful to God for the powerful words He had spoken to me and as I held onto these words, their truth helped me to overcome the struggles I was still facing every day and it strengthened my faith. I started to do what God said and focus on the healing He was doing in me, instead of on the problems I experienced from my chronic pain and illnesses, and as I shifted my focus to the healing, I began to believe more and more that God would heal me.
Each day, throughout the month of September, I learned more and more and I began to take what I was learning, believe it completely and God built on that belief and granted me greater understanding. It was during this time that I received even more powerful words from God and I developed calendar pages for each message. By the end of the month, I had thirteen calendar pages and I decided that what I had learned was not just for me, but also for anyone who needed hope and healing. I had already started to share them with my mom and she told me how inspiring they were for her. Therefore, I decided to create this electronic calendar to be used on the computer.
I thought it was important also to be able to print the pages in a smaller form, so they could be used as large bookmarks. I found that the pages helped me more in this way, because I could keep referring back to them and read the ones I felt I needed to remember at that moment. I encourage you to print the pages in the smaller form and make good use of them. The messages were and still are very beneficial for me and the scriptures that accompany them give me hope and a belief that God’s words are true and as I believe them, I will experience power in my life.
I want these messages to do the same for you, so please take advantage of the option to print the pages as large bookmarks and let them speak to you. Feel free to share them with others who are hurting. I believe that God’s truth has immense power to heal us and transform us and I am living proof that it is possible to overcome and to receive incredible healing and wholeness. If you are willing to believe, I know you can experience the same healing power in your life.
I cannot stress enough the importance of a personal relationship with God and spending daily, private time with Him. I promise you that if you are willing to take the time to talk to God every day and listen for His still, small voice, you will find that He is faithful to communicate with you and touch your heart on a very personal level. One thing I have learned in all this is that if I take God at His word and believe it with all my heart, it will produce a change in me and I will become more of the person He created me to be. I am grateful for the opportunity to share these “Moments with God” with you and I know that since God is no respecter of persons; what He has done for me, He is willing and able to do for you if you allow Him to and invite Him to be present with you.
God Bless You,
Lily Eve
I decided to offer this Electronic Calendar for free, so please check it out at
http://lilyeveart.com/2010calendar.aspxThe calendar pages are at the end of the page and the story is the same as what I posted here, so you can skip right to it.
The next one is called "Hold Your Focus", and I called it that because of what God was saying to me about holding onto the words He was speaking to me and keeping my focus on Him and not my problems. The photo is of a waterfall that I hiked to on the Island of Oahu in Hawaii. As I look at this photo, it speaks of peace, tranquility and refreshment. So as I thought about what it meant to "hold my focus", I thought, this picture was something I wanted to focus on to be drawn into that peace and tranquility. I noticed that as I did, it was very refreshing for me and to combine that with what God was saying to me, helped me to see and remember the peace that God promises as we trust in Him, and hold onto that idea in a more "tangible" way.
